sK T-Shirts

You'll never play for your country. But you'll celebrate a tap-in on a Tuesday like it's a cup final - and that's the point. Here are the five great celebrations, ranked by how much long-term damage they do versus how good they feel in the moment.

1. 1
   The Knee-SlidePeak risk, peak reward. Scored a worldie, slid on your knees, ruined them for a fortnight. Grass burn heals. The celebration is forever.
2. 2
   The Last-Minute WinnerTap-in in the 89th, wheeling away arms wide like it's the final. It was a Tuesday. Nobody cares. You scored.
3. 3
   The ShushOne goal and you're silencing the whole crowd - all three subs and a dog. Finger to the lips. Say nothing.
4. 4
   The Diving HeaderFull stretch, eyes shut, met it flush, and headed it three yards wide. Worth it for the photo alone.
5. 5
   The Free-KickChest out, staring down the wall like it's going top bins. It's going into Row Z. But the stance was elite.

The knee-slide takes the crown - highest cost, highest glory, the truest expression of a man who peaked at five-a-side and made peace with it. Wondering who on your team pulls which celebration? Cross-reference the full XI.